Next Wednesday, my co-worker, Sally*, is turning 60. She told me this in confidence, because she doesn’t want a big deal made out of it.
So, we made a big deal out of it.
In my defense, I didn’t tell anyone. Another co-worker, Terri, overheard Sally mention it to someone else (other than me) and immediately started the ball rolling. We were already going to have a food day, as is traditional in my department, for the celebration of just about everything, but they ramped it up. Cake said 60, balloons said 60. And so on.
It was my duty to buy a yellow tablecloth, napkins, plates and plasticware, as yellow is one of Sally’s favorite colors. So I did so, along with a plant (Sally likes plants) and I left my car a bit earlier than normal Wednesday morning to head over to the office and decorate.
And I’m minding my own business, more or less, and wandering my way in the general direction of my office. Sometimes I veer off, but usually I make it in one shot.
But! Down the block, I saw Sally crossing the street. I said “oh noes!” (I really did.) And then hid behind a semi.
Yep. 7 in the morning. Bright daylight. And I hid my happy ass behind a semi. Well, the tractor part. And waited for her to cross the street.
Damn, she’s slow. To be fair, she’s turning 60 next week. She might pop a hip or something.
But at this point, my friend I’m on the phone with is laughing uproariously because I’m whispering whilst I’m hiding, which, hi, I was like 2 city blocks away from Sally but ONE CAN NEVER BE TOO CAREFUL.
So then, four years later, she finally got across the street and headed down the block so I had to reconfigure my hiding place because I couldn’t see her anymore. So I moved up the block and hid behind the giant electrical-or-something-box and waited for her to go further down the street.
Once I was well-confident she wouldn’t be looking back, I rushed across the street (note: next time, check for cars) and then hung out next to the bank for five minutes – not suspicious at all – to give her time to get in around the corner, in the building and up the elevator.
I hurried to work and got to my team and holy-giant-cake-of-doom on the table. I deleted my picture though, so you’ll just have to believe me: biggest cake ever made. And it was all red velvet. Allll.
Excuse me while I go wipe up my drool.
Ahem. So then she was all “yay, yellow!” and “yay, surprised!” etc and we had a food day with cake and Terri cut the cake crooked and I made fun of her.
The end.
*Names have been changed to protect the elderly.
